On the way back, Malik tried to joke several times. As always. Like when a situation became too strange. Like when he was trying to reassure me. But this time, it didn't work.
I was seeing my mother's face again. His paleness. Her sadness. That fear I didn't know him. Even after all the stories she told me. Even after all the years of fearing Kamino. I've never seen her like this.
"Your mother loves me very much, finally.
I gave him a black look.
- Very funny.
- I'm serious.
- She practically just put you at the door.
- Yes, but politely.
I shook my head in spite of myself. A smile tried to be born. Then disappeared immediately. Because deep inside of me, something was wrong. A feeling difficult to explain. Like a bad feeling. Like when you hear the storm before you even see the clouds.
When we got home, we tried to spend a normal night watching a movie. We talked. We even laughed a little. But my mother's sentence always came back.
"The shadow of feelings is too close to the light of evil. »
I end up talking about it.
- What do you think she was talking about?
Malik remained silent for a few seconds.
- I think she's scared.
- You?
- No.
- Then what?
He hesitated.
Then simply replied:
"Perhaps what she believes."
I wasn't answering. Because deep down, I knew he was right. Rose had never been afraid of people. Only some stories. And some consequences.
Around midnight, we were lying side by side. I remember the silence. From her breathing. From the heat of his skin. I remember thinking my mom was wrong. That this time she was wrong. That Kamino belonged to the past. To the stories. To memories. Centuries past.
Then Malik suddenly recovered.
I turned my head towards him.
- What's the matter?
He looked right in front of him. Like he's watching someone.
- Nothing.
His voice had changed. Very slightly. But enough for me to notice.
Malik?
He didn't answer.
I'm sitting in my turn.
A deaf concern went up into me.
Malik?
This time, he slowly turned his head.
I didn't recognize her look anymore.
It wasn't anger anymore.
Or fear.
Not even hatred.
It was something else.
Something empty.
As if someone had turned off the light behind their eyes.
My heart began to beat faster.
Malik...
Then he spoke.
And for a second, I thought I heard another voice behind his. An older voice. Colder.
- Love is dead.
I instinctively retreated.
- Stop it.
He got up. Slowly. His movements seemed strange. Like a man walking in a dream. Or from a puppet someone would pull the wires from.
Malik!
He didn't seem to see me anymore. Or rather, he looked at me without recognizing me. Like I've become a stranger.
Then he approached.
And the first shot came.
Brutally.
No warning.
I fell against the wall. The shock cut my breath. I lifted my eyes. Unable to understand. Unable to accept what was happening.
Malik!
But it wasn't him anymore. Or at least he wasn't the man I loved anymore.
The second shot made me fall to the ground.
Then a third.
Then a fourth.
I tried to protect myself. I was yelling at her name. Over and over. As if it could bring him back. As if a part of him could still hear me.
At one point, our eyes crossed.
And I'm living something.
Just a second.
Maybe less.
Fear.
An immense fear.
As if Malik was a prisoner inside his own body.
Then she disappeared.
Replaced by this terrible absence.
I get it then.
My mother was right.
Kamino was back.
Not in the form of a ghost.
Not in the form of a demon.
But as always.
Through men.
Through their weaknesses.
Through their darkness.
The last shot broke something in my chest. I felt the pain explode all over my body.
Then it all became black.
When I opened my eyes again, ten days had passed. The white light from the hospital immediately blinded me. Every breath was a pain. Every move, too.
I slowly turned my head.
My mother was sitting next to me. Red eyes. The face is exhausted. She was crying.
I wanted to talk.
My voice almost didn't come out.
Malik...
Rose closed her eyes.
And for a few seconds, I thought she was gonna collapse.
Then she murmured:
- They found him next to you.
I stayed still.
- Dead.
The word crossed the room like a blade.
I didn't cry.
Not yet.
I couldn't.
Because I already knew.
Deep down, I understood it before I even woke up.
I'm seeing her look again. That second of fear. That second Malik seemed to be coming back. Just before you disappeared forever.
Then my mother took my hand.
And, in a broken voice that I had never heard before, she uttered the sentence that I feared without knowing it since my childhood.
— Kamino had one more victim.
And this time, for the first time in my life, I believed it.